Three signs that I am probably not pregnant:
(1) Missing in action
For the
mathematically inclined at home, yes, I know, I’m only 10 days post ovulation.
So, technically, my period’s not missed,
just missing. Last cycle, gifted and
talented ovulator that I am, my period arrived basically 30 minutes after I ovulated. (If you’re wondering - those 29 minutes of I-could-totally-be-pregnant were, in a
word, bliss).
Anyway. I’m ten
days post ovulation (10dpo if you will – and you will not, because we do not use jargon here) and nothing. Nothing with a big, fat, YET attached to it.
What I think
this means: ohmygod I’m
pregnant.
What this
actually means: Well. Actually.
According to numerous reputable online sources – which I had to check because,
duh, I still have basically no idea how my body works – Aunt Flo usually
doesn’t arrive until 14-16 days post ovulation which means I am… so not
pregnant. On a related note, I’m also sick of carrying tampons in every bag and
pocket I own. *dramatic sigh.*
(2) Premature menopause hot
flashes
As in, several
times a day. In particular, when I’m oh, I don’t know, breathing. Or breathing
in the close vicinity of another human being. Or possibly walking. Or possibly
sitting at my desk trying not to
breathe and holding my limbs as still as possible. ProTip: when planning to
sweat through your fancy work clothes, best to wear dark colors.
