Sunday, December 9, 2012

acronym gymnastics: cycle day 11

Woe is me. Infertility is socially isolating. There. I said it. And now I come to find out that on top of not being able to ovulate all by myself like a big girl and not being able to really talk to anyone about not being able to ovulate all by myself like a big girl, I also have to learn a whole new language of inscrutable acronyms. TWW? OPK? BFP? And don’t even get me started on “BD.” Seriously. Really. We’re all adults here.

For the uninitiated still googling this bizarre pseudo-patois of dubious wordplay, let me break the news to you:

TWW = two week wait (the interminable wait, pre-pregnancy-test. during which time you might, hypothetically speaking, decide to start a blog. just an idea.)

OPK = ovulation predictor kit (an overpriced box full of tiny strips that lie, and lie and lie to you and say you never ovulated when you totally did a boisterous early morning activity!)

BFP = big fat positive (as in, the golden ticket. the not big, or fat, but tiny and small and almost indiscernible, little pink line on the drugstore pregnancy test you bought in a frenzy, along with Skittles you didn’t really want, but felt oddly comforting, and a People Magazine that you so did because honestly, what kind of person buys just a pregnancy test?)

And now, BD. I can barely stand to type this. BD is (cringe) “baby dance.” BD is SEX. Straight up. Sometimes my doctor calls it intercourse. Sometimes the nurse says “have relations” (still cringing). I call it sex. Superfluously not infrequently. As in, “So doc, when can I have SEX?” and, to the nurse, who is looking unhinged because it clearly makes her so uncomfortable when I utter such HEATHEN words “so, does that [test result/FSH level/weather report] mean we can have SEX?” Because honestly. Baby dance? If I am old enough to make the decision to voluntarily inject myself with Chinese hamster ovaries (seriously though, I feel like an adult should have signed off on that?), then I am totally old enough to say SEX in front of a medical professional AND in a pseudo-anonymous online forum. Thankyouverymuch.


  1. There are plenty of acronyms, but nothing quite comes close to the blinky animated stars falling signature lines that you will see in forums. The phrases 'baby dust' and 'sticky bean' make me wince. I could have learned a useful foreign language with all of the brain cells I used to decipher infertility!

  2. Ha! I couldn't agree more - blinky animated stars falling signature lines are the lowest common denominator of infertility jargon. I'm also pretty sure that my google search is faulty - I don't think this is the meaning of "stick bean" you were going for: "It is sticky rice steamed with azuki beans." Thanks for reading!

  3. I, too, hate the abbreviations. But I also use them, because I'm lazy. Except for "BD". There is never any excuse to type that.

  4. Oh wait, you are forgetting the little smiley-face-heads that are doing the "BD." Seriously that little animation is more grotesque than just saying "So last night my husband and I screwed." ha.

  5. Haha - I use a lot of acronyms b/c it's faster, but baby dust and BD drive me NUTS. No thank you! It's sex.