Friday, February 22, 2013

infertility groove? cycle 3, day 8


You’d think there’d be nothing like a miscarriage to strip me of every last vestige of humor – an event so deeply traumatizing that there’d be nothing to do but mouth cry. But instead, I practically live blogged that shit. Every tormenting up and down of my record-breaking 72-hour pregnancy was sent out into the ether, hyperlinks and strikethroughs aplenty. I couldn’t help myself; basically hyperventilating at the keyboard in eagerly writer blogger anticipation. And by all appearances, wink wink, I’ve emerged relatively unscathed (justbarely).

But now, all of a sudden, weeks after the harrowing turn of events that left me rather, ahem, bloody-oh-my-god-there’s-so-much-blood[1] un-pregnant, I’m feeling stale and humorless.

Third Clomid cycle in – and almost at the one year mark of trying – and this infertility business has become something of a humdrum existence. Truth is, I’m in a bit of an infertility groove[2] – an almost (but not quite) comforting rhythm in the midst of this unpredictable madness that obscures the need for any modicum of thinking. It goes like this (sing along with me now!): birth control, bleed, Clomid, wanding/blood letting/sporadic fainting, Ovidrel, sex, sex, sex, wait, wait, wait, early miscarriage, rinse and repeat. It’s sort of soothing, almost ethereal – you know, like sniffing glue listening to a hair dryer.

So, having just gulped down the last two chalky tablets of Mother's-little-(fertility)-helper, I don’t feel much of anything. You know, except of course a burning desire to have a stranger insert a (sort of flexible but very cold) wand inside me at 7 am on a Saturday. Thankfully, I have less than 24 hours to wait for that...[3]

Ed. Note: the lovely lady at Lamenting the Lentil has said some crazy-nice things about Fallopian Groove – and I’m not even paying her. But she’s got a pretty great little blog going on herself – check her out: Lamenting the Lentil.






[1] Too much?
[2] Or dare I say, fallopiangroove? (Forgive me – it was so easy.)
[3] For those of you who are really paying attention, you may be counting on your fingers with a furrowed brow. Yes, today is only day 8 of my cycle and tomorrow is day 9. Apparently after being unable to ovulate on my own for so long, my body just can’t ovulate fast enough – I’m an early ovulator (that’s a thing, right?), often around day 10. But on this cycle’s day 10 I will be at a lovely wedding in New York, unable to oblige the wanding gods. So, premature wanding though this may be – and more likely, first of several wandings over the next several days – I am very ready to get moving.

7 comments:

  1. I want to sprinkle you with ~*~*~*sarcasm dust*~*~*~ to knock you out of numbness but I'm afraid you might hit me. (I prefer anything to numb. Numb scares me, EVEN WHILE NUMB. Make sense? No?)

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  2. Hope you enjoy your date with your magic wand tomorrow.

    How are you doing on finding your balance these days? Keep me posted...

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  3. Happy ICLW- so glad I found your blog! It's great! I am looking forward to catching myself up-

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  4. Good luck!! I had my own chemical pregnancy in 2008, but I was not able to put any humor into it for several months. I am so glad to see you have a smile on your face and are ready to take on the future. You can do it!! (here from ICLW)

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  5. Happy ICLW. I hope 2013 is your year for a baby...: ) All the best!!

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  6. Stopping by for ICLW. Isn't it crazy how ho-hum all of this can become? My Hubby and I did 4 IUI cycles in a row and by the end of I was almost bored with it. A pregnancy certainly would have spiced things up, but alas, it was not in the cards. So more "boring" fertility treatments for us :) Good luck this cycle!

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  7. Thanks everyone who stopped by for/from ICLW! Really nice to know that folks are reading along and grateful to all of you who are also sharing your stories.

    And for those still lumbering down infertility road, sarcasm dust to you!

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