Wednesday, February 20, 2013

precautionary measures: cycle 3, day 6


Sunday night was my first night back on the bottle Clomid so as I popped those two round gems of hormonal promise, I gamely asked C what he had done to prepare for this, the third round of Clomid.

Very seriously, I deadpanned: What measures have you taken? What safeguards have you imposed?

He thought I was kidding (I was sort of kidding). Of course, I had my own precautions in mind – padding the corners of all tables/chests/dressers/beds, finally confronting the seriously low supply of chocolate in this house, removing sharp objects, etc. C of course, thought this was all very funny – in a laughing at me kind of way. While I panic about just what shape, form and frequency my ensuing Clomid-induced-terror will take; while I lose sleep over just how much of a bitch I’ll be this time, C doesn’t seem all that worried (which is suspicious given that he is typically the target of my unregulated emotion).

But bewildering or not, it was kind of a relief. Sure, he jokes about how there are days when I am prone to, ahem, antics, and he reminds me often of one day during my last cycle when I pointedly – but lovingly? – told him I was having a hard time liking him that very moment[1] (you know what, I am never going to live that down). But it was actually something of a relief to hear that he wasn’t anxious about the imminent BitchCon V preparing to descend on our home. So instead of seeing this as a challenge – I could try to be more bitchy? – I decided to embrace it and <seamless transition here> also to take the opportunity to make some vows for this, thirdtimesthecharm, cycle. Here goes:

(1) Post-coital headstands: I will continue them.
(Because, umm, I can’t prove it didn’t work. Actually, maybe I can. Over share, move right along: if the interwebs are right – don’t even get me started on that – then we conceived after having a quickie, sans headstand, at an out-of-town woodsy cottage before our friends arrived for the weekend. But anyway. Why not incorporate acrobatics?).

(2) Sex: I will have more of it. (please.cover.your.eyes.)
(Timed intercourse can be, umm, transactional. Sex on demand, sex on cue, sex multiple times a day – well, that just sounds like college – it can be tricky to fit in between two busy schedules, erratic working hours and sleep deprivation. But <breaks into song> We shall overcome, we shall overcome, we shall over-c-o-o-m-e, etc. #firstworldproblems).

(3) Balance: I will try to find it?
(Sigh. It’s like I’m all in or I ain’t. Before this whole fertility bizness started in earnest, I was a bit of a slave to my work – even when not working, I agonized over things I could not control, clients whose needs were far beyond those I could fill and all kinds of other stuff, big and small. But the last couple months I have been perennially distracted. I work hard, sure, but not in the I’m-a-martyr-for-the-cause way I once did. Perhaps this is just growth, maturity and healthy balance. Perhaps I’m just so focused on whether or not I have birthing hips that I can’t exert all of my energy on legal theory. Either way, I’m going to try to be a bit more zen this time around. Less chin-deep in the infertility vortex and more dipping-my-toe-in when the weather is nice. Plus, you know, all the other good stuff: cookie binges and marathon reality-tv-watching, regular exercise, a (relatively) balanced diet, adequate sleep, time with C and friends, etc.)

And with that, I’m off to the (protracted, agonizing) races.




[1] Not long before this, a friend who is fighting her own fertility battle had nearly the same conversation with her husband. I think it’s safe to say we both like our husbands a hell of a lot. Sometimes our true feelings are just, um, cloaked in hormonal overdrive.

7 comments:

  1. Good luck. After a period MIA for six months I finally get to do some ovulation testing this month to see if I need...further measures. I'm following along, trying to prove to myself that I'm not alone and that humor can survive even in Times Like These. Thanks for making this bearable.

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    1. Good luck and fingers crossed for good news - the initial tests are the funnest! (sarcasm does not travel well over blog comment). In any case, thanks for reading and thanks for capitalizing Times Like These - because man, if anything calls for capitalization, this sure does.

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  3. hmmm.... not going to lie sent this to John about the whole "I am having a hard time liking you" at this moment... I now have proof (it's not me man, it's the hormones talking)! and I am apparently not very good at posting!!! ha

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    1. I can't even tell you how lucky I felt to have heard that you also felt this way - not because it's pleasant (for either us or our men) but it was such a specific, until-now-unknown feeling. Kind of revelatory to hear that someone else had also experienced it.

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  4. #3 Balance. I know how you feel. Isn't it odd how women who were previously so career focused (as in us!), can start just going through the motions at work? As a psychologist, I also deal with clients and I've also felt less "present" lately. And paperwork? Oh yeah right. I'd rather google things about babies. I hope you do find some balance this cycle. Maybe you need a Mexico vacation like I took? It did me wonders.

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    1. If you are offering to send me to Mexico - I accept! :)

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