it's alright to cry, cycle 4, day 8

This post was going to be about how the Clomid is working so effing well that I am forever crying – into my granola and my sandwich and my heaping pile of cookies salad and every other foodstuff I happen to have immediately in front of me because: HUNGRY.

This post was going to be about how THIS made me cry weep and how the season finale of THIS made me sob because I inexplicably have a thing for Adam even though he’s a creepy boar with irreverent facial hair and all of the other mouth crying[1] I have engaged in over the last oh, I don’t know, 96 god-for-saken hours.

This post was going to be about how one evening I wrote my hypothetical, as yet unconceived gender non-specific child’s name (first, last and middle, ahem) and then started crying. (But that sounded much too dark so I decided not to tell you guys even though, seriously, it wasn’t really that grim.)

I was going to write about all of these things, I was. But a post devoted to my blubbering lamentations[2] is a pity party to which no one else should be invited.

So despite what you may have just read, supra, I did not write this post. Because I could not. Because the thing is, I’m not actually particularly sad – mom, put down the phone. I actually feel pretty good, rather even keeled you might say, despite my intermittent sniveling. I have just traded in my bitch card[3] for my burst-into-tears-at-the-mention-of-the-air-we-breathe card. It’s a precarious existence I inhabit.

But no matter, for I know that soon, my sniveling will give way to unhinged panic, which is where I really shine. In the meantime, I am buoyed by Rosey Grier[4].

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[1] Mouth crying gets a nod on day 8 of every cycle. Because them’s the rules (apparently).

[2] Jessie Spano in, oneofthebestcryingscenesever.

[3] It’s like a trading card, but with Tina Fey on one side and Hillary Clinton on the other/a motto like “women make policy and humor, not coffee” in electric green typeface and then, umm <insert something about feminism and “reclaiming bitch,” etc.>.

[4] True facts about the ineffable Rosey Grier in addition to his cameo on the record that defined your childhood: he is a former bodyguard to RFK who enjoys macramé and needlepoint. Truth.