Tuesday, March 19, 2013

it's alright to cry, cycle 4, day 8


This post was going to be about how the Clomid is working so effing well that I am forever crying – into my granola and my sandwich and my heaping pile of cookies salad and every other foodstuff I happen to have immediately in front of me because: HUNGRY.

This post was going to be about how THIS made me cry weep and how the season finale of THIS made me sob because I inexplicably have a thing for Adam even though he’s a creepy boar with irreverent facial hair and all of the other mouth crying[1] I have engaged in over the last oh, I don’t know, 96 god-for-saken hours.

This post was going to be about how one evening I wrote my hypothetical, as yet unconceived gender non-specific child’s name (first, last and middle, ahem) and then started crying. (But that sounded much too dark so I decided not to tell you guys even though, seriously, it wasn’t really that grim.)

I was going to write about all of these things, I was. But a post devoted to my blubbering lamentations[2] is a pity party to which no one else should be invited.

So despite what you may have just read, supra, I did not write this post. Because I could not. Because the thing is, I’m not actually particularly sad – mom, put down the phone. I actually feel pretty good, rather even keeled you might say, despite my intermittent sniveling. I have just traded in my bitch card[3] for my burst-into-tears-at-the-mention-of-the-air-we-breathe card. It’s a precarious existence I inhabit.

But no matter, for I know that soon, my sniveling will give way to unhinged panic, which is where I really shine. In the meantime, I am buoyed by Rosey Grier[4].


[1] Mouth crying gets a nod on day 8 of every cycle. Because them’s the rules (apparently).
[2] Jessie Spano in, oneofthebestcryingscenesever.
[3] It’s like a trading card, but with Tina Fey on one side and Hillary Clinton on the other/a motto like “women make policy and humor, not coffee” in electric green typeface and then, umm <insert something about feminism and “reclaiming bitch,” etc.>.
[4] True facts about the ineffable Rosey Grier in addition to his cameo on the record that defined your childhood: he is a former bodyguard to RFK who enjoys macramé and needlepoint. Truth.

13 comments:

  1. Clomid be crazy juice my friend. I was a certifiable MESS! Hopefully it will work its magic and you wont have to snivel your way through another cycle.

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    1. I think "crazy juice" would be an excellent marketing campaign for the faceless pharmaceutical giant who manufactures this wonder drug.

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  2. You're the second person I know to cry over the Girls finale! I tried to be sad but I was just so pissed that everything "worked out" so perfectly. Because if I showed up outside a bar in a ratty t-shirt with greasy hair and my ex was dating a girl who looked like Natalia... yeah, I don't think he would come running home to me. It makes for good television, though.

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    1. I know, I know. It was a little too... pat. A little too neatly packaged, all butterflies and rainbows. But as long as I never have to see Hannah with another Q-tip, I will sleep easy.

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  3. I love your writing, even when it's in regard to intermittent sniveling and mouth crying. Quick clarification request: do all of the bitch cards feature Tina and Hillary? Or do various combinations exist? Either way, that particular card is perfect. I think it just won rookie of the year.

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    1. Ooh, great question! Well, after giving it some thought, I think there will have to be a companion card with Amy Poehler on one side and Madeleine Albright on the other. Because, obviously.

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  4. And, don't worry. You are not alone. I wept after reading that first link, too.

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  5. I think it's OK to let out all the weepy emotions sometimes. Especially since you are also so good at laughing at yourself. :-) That's a great story about the man with Down's opening a restaurant with his dad's help. I work with special needs teenagers so I see (some of) the struggles and the successes and it's great to hear about families who pull together, make it work and show us that everybody can find their place in the world. If we help each other a little. (Or a lot.)

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  6. Oh, jeez. I am not on crazy hamster drugs that tinker with my hormones/emotions and still find my self crying at Hallmark commercials, Grey's Anatomy (reruns, no less, that I have ALREADY cried at) and the Craigslist 'pet' section. Keep up the good work, sister.

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    1. Craigslist pet section?! I think we have a winner. That is amazing.

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    2. What do I win? A puppy...? ....Shit, here I go again....

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    3. Ha! I'm sending you a puppy in the mail. Actually, my puppy. She's being rather obstinate. I'm including a box of Kleenex.

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  7. Well, I had to cover the screen half way through this post because I don't have time today for blogging, blog reading, commenting AND watching the last episode of Girls (I'm perpetually a bit behind) to negate any spoiler alerts... So I kinda think this is a post about you not feeling as weepy as you might otherwise. In which case, YAY! Or it might be a post about crazy hormone tears and general crapiness(because, yeah, I get that). In which case, BOO! Either way, thinking of you.

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