This post was going to be about how the Clomid is working so effing well that I am forever crying – into my granola and my sandwich and my
heaping pile of cookies salad and
every other foodstuff I happen to have immediately in front of me because: HUNGRY.
This post was going to be about how THIS made me
cry weep and how the
season finale of THIS made me
sob because I inexplicably have a thing for Adam even though he’s a creepy
boar with irreverent facial hair and all of the other mouth crying
I have engaged in over the last oh, I don’t know, 96 god-for-saken hours.
This post was going to be about how one evening I
wrote my hypothetical, as yet
unconceived gender non-specific child’s name (first, last and middle, ahem) and
then started crying. (But that sounded
much too dark so I decided not to tell you guys even though, seriously, it
wasn’t really that grim.)
I was going to write about all of these things, I was. But a post devoted to my blubbering lamentations is a pity party to which no one else should be invited.
So despite what you may have just read, supra, I did not write this post. Because I could not. Because the thing is, I’m not actually particularly sad – mom, put down the phone. I actually feel pretty good, rather even keeled you might say, despite my intermittent sniveling. I have just traded in my bitch card for my burst-into-tears-at-the-mention-of-the-air-we-breathe card. It’s a precarious existence I inhabit.
But no matter, for I know that soon, my sniveling will give way to unhinged panic, which is where I really shine. In the meantime, I am buoyed by Rosey Grier.
 Jessie Spano in, oneofthebestcryingscenesever.
 It’s like a trading card, but with Tina Fey on one side and Hillary Clinton on the other/a motto like “women make policy and humor, not coffee” in electric green typeface and then, umm <insert something about feminism and “reclaiming bitch,” etc.>.
 True facts about the ineffable Rosey Grier in addition to his cameo on the record that defined your childhood: he is a former bodyguard to RFK who enjoys macramé and needlepoint. Truth.